this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
