Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize