I feel like abortions should bother me more
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
vagina is talking i cant
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
