there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
