Just cropdusted the office
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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