she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
