Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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