Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
