loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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