Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
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