Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
