You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
