hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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