Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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