Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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