you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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