i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
