chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
