Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
