Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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