You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
