He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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