yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
