ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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