it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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