my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
