the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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