hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
