I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize