I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think my moral compass just broke
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