I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
