2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize