were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
