Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
