Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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