Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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