3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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