Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
