So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
