we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
