There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
