Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
