my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
