She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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