ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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