I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
