dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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