I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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