What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dignity is for republicans.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
