he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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