hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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