none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We're too hungover to prance.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
