Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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