I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
