I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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