He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
