We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
