Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
