It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
