idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
