found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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