She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
