I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
