Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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