the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The best revenge is premature balding
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
