I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
