I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
