I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
