she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
