Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
