Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
