He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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