worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
