remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
