"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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