I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
