Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
