May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
