I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
