dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
