At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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