I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
