he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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