im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
