We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
