What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
BRING THE BAGELS
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
