Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
