I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
