I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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