I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
