I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
