I skipped work to stalk him.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
