just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
