She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize